Do you get invited to parties every fucking night like I do? If the answer is yes, then you NEED to read this blog that I am writing. I wrote it JUST FOR YOU (you're welcome).

Chances are, the party you are going to is going to SUCK DICK so it will be your job to turn it into a KEWL PARTY that is worth blogging about.

Step 1: CLOTHING! Here is the deal, your cracka ass is gonna get tagged on facebook whether you like it or not. With that being said, you better be rockin some CHILL ASS THREADS! Here is what you need to wear. Roll up in a phat ass 3OH3 varsity jacket. When it gets too hot to rock the jacket, take that shit off and show off your Ed Hardy tee. Don't have an Ed Hardy tee? It is totally ok, a UFC shirt will do just fine.

Step 2: MUSIC! Have you ever heard of BYOB (bring your own b33r)? Well, whatever party you attend you need to remember BYOM (bring your own music). With that being said, the only music you should listen to is 3OH3 because those jams are original and fresh and funky and if you don't listen to them then you are totes LAME SAUCE!!! Bring your 3OH3 cd with you! So, as soon as you get to the party, march over to the dude with the biggest muscles and demand he plays your 3OH3 cd and then punch him in square the face. Don't worry about him trying to fight you after the punch, once he sees you in that 3OH3 varsity jacket... he will respect you and prob give you a French kiss or tug job or a high five at the very least!

Step 3: PICK UP LINES! You want to fuck a girl (or guy) tonight? Sure you do. All you need to do is walk up to a fat bitch and spit her some romantic poetry. Here is the best line to use:

"Shush girl shut your lips, do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips."

She will most likely share her drugs with you (ecstasy) and ride your junk right in the middle of the dance floor. Sex on x? Mission accomplished, bro-seph!

In other news, I wanted to sincerely thank 3OH3 for their music. They are the best in the world. I hope they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I hope they go on tour with Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi (insert livin' on a prayer lolz).

In other OTHER news, who do you think is the best band in NJ HISTORY? Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, The Years Gone By or The Mongoloids? Hmmm. That is a hard one. Get at us via Twitter (@fuckthatband) and fuckin' tell us!!!!

Dear Surge Soda,

Miss you so much. We haven't talked in years, figured I'd write you a letter to let you know how shit is going.

Ever since you left us, planet Earth has turned to hell, omgz global warming, all the ice is melting, da polar bears are crying hard as hellll. But that news is NOTHING compared to how bad da music "scene" has been since you bounced. We now have bands like The Maine, 3oh!3, Family Force 5, Hit The Lights, and A Rocket To The Moon. Lyke, gag me with a sp00000n. kjdskjfdskjdsj (that wuz me throwing up on my Macbeth shoez)

Are all these shitty bands around because the human race just gave up all hope since Surge Soda left us? Maybe global warming is happening because of all of the shitty music sound waves that are trapped within the earths atmosphere and stuffzzz.

I am scared for 2009. Will Obama save us from da music? Will Obama start a band? Will his self titled 7inch go for 500 euro on ebay? Will his vinyl be limited edition hand numbered from 1 to 69. LOL at 69, obama is so funny for picking the number 69. Obama, you go boy!

In closing, Surge Soda, please get at Obama (send him a TXT message or some shit) and ask him to bring you back, this world needs you and your citrus explosion of flavor. Jus sayin'

Sincerely,
FuckThatBand.com Staff

Yesterday my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was happy to tell her but before I went on about what I wanted, I felt it was extremely important to tell her exactly what I didn't want. The following is my DO NOT FUCKING BUY ME THIS GARBAGE FOR CHRISTMAS list.

Do not get me any merchandise or CDs from the band Danger Radio. Mom, I would rather listen to you and dad have sex than listen to their music.

Do not get me a fucking Huffy bike. Mom, you are an asshole if you do that. You know that all my friends ride Mongoose Bikes hard as hell, so you best get Mongoose or so help me god.

Do not get me anything from the band 3OH!3. Mom, remember when I said that I would rather listen to you and dad have sex than listen to Danger Radio music? Well, I would rather actually have sex with you and dad than listen to 3OH!3 music.

And last but not least, mom, don't get me an Official SAT Study Guide. I told you before, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE!!! I got it all planned out, I sent my bands demo to Drive Thru Records already. I know they are going to sign us. I mean, come on, they signed Socratic for gods sake. Getting signed cant be THAT hard. I cannot wait to tour as soon as I graduate high school. Junior year SUXXXXXX but I am the co-captain of the JV bowling team so that is pretty chill.