Bean bag chairs. So fucking good. I cannot express how comfortable those things are. They are wonderful in every single way possible.

On the total opposite end of the spectrum is the band Broadway Calls. So fucking bad. I cannot express how terrible their music is. It is horrible in every single way possible.

Bean bag chairs are greater than Broadway calls.

Just sayin'

Ok, gotta back back to sitting on a bean bag chair. At least 10 orgasms are awaiting. FUCK YA!

Dear The Gaslight Anthem,

Arthur Fonzarelli (AKA Fonzie or The Fonz) called me on my celly and he told me to tell your singer to (and I quote) "AAAAAAY TAKE THAT FUCKIN LEATHER JACKET OFF AAAAAAY YOU GUYZ SOUND LIKE SHIT AAAAAY SIT ON IT!!!"

Hey man, don't piss The Fonz off, am I right???

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

I would rather stick my ballz in a mousetrap than listen to The Gaslight Anthem. U MAD?

Do you remember your first time DOING IT? Do you remember when you lost your virginity? How was it? Were you nervous? Please tell me because I am still a virgin and I really need some advice. I would ask my mom but she is never home anymore because she got a new boyfriend and her boyfriend (Steve) doesn't like me. Sucks. He is a douche bag. Miss you mom. Come home soon plz.

Anyways, my one friend told me that it is really important for me to have "meaningful love making music" playing in the background during my first time. When someone mentions "meaningful love making music" - the first band that pops into my head is Slipknot. You might not know who they are yet because they are not popular yet but I recommend them if you are into acoustic "chillin out" shit.

I like Slipknot. They are a grunge band from Seattle, Washington that is heavily influenced by Nirvana. Nirvana is another really young band, they aren't too big yet because they aren't signed to a label but as soon as they get signed, I think they will be big. Not as big as The Gaslight Anthem, but pretty close.

For real though, can I get real for a second? Should I have Slipknot blasting on the stereo while I am losing my virginity? I plan on losing my V card after prom. Would my girlfriend be into "doin it" to the soothing sounds of Slipknot after prom?

Speaking of prom, should I wear a Slipknot mask with my tuxedo? Do you think my girlfriend will wear a Slipknot mask too? We could get matching Slipknot masks. That would be pretty CUTE. Would we win the "cutest couple" award and shit?

Speaking of masks, QUESTION: Which band wears cooler masks?

A: Slipknot
B: Forever the Sickest Kids
C: Hollywood Undead
D: DJ Rossstar

Please email me your answers. K thanx byyyee.

Oh god. Tooth & Nail does it again. Remember a few weeks back when we posted about the Copeland coffee mugs? Well, we got another merch find that is quite possibly worse than the coffee mugs. Picture this, MxPx Soda. Yes, we are NOT kidding. The following is taken directly from the page where you can purchase the soda:

"A very limited number of MxPx Jones Soda bottle sets were made in support of the release of MxPx's "Secret Weapon." We recently uncovered 15 complete sets and are offering them for sale exclusively in the Tooth & Nail store. These bottles were never available in stores and once they sell out, they will never [be] produced again! Each set of 4 bottles includes four unique labels (Mike, Tom, Yuri, and band), all inspired by the "Secret Weapon" album artwork. Yuri and Tom's bottles are Vanilla Cola (discontinued in the United States in 2005) and Mike and the band's bottles are Cream Soda. Get yours while you can!"

Holy shit. Come on. I would rather drink my own PISS than drink Jones Soda in general, and now you idiots are trying to sell me MxPx Jones Soda?! That should be illegal in this country. Oh wait, and also, did you see how much this shit is? Fifty fucking dollars?! No way. I would rather take my fifty dollars, throw it in a deep fryer and eat it. I am sure it will taste better than that MxPx soda (and I am sure it is healthier too).

I cannot wait to see what terrible merchandise Tooth & Nail will come out with next. I just cannot wait. Don't let me down.

Let's take a moment to chat about Anti-Flag. They have a brand new CD out now called "The Bright Lights of America." Did you buy it yet? Hell no you didn't. The CD should have been called "The Bright Lights of Why the Fuck are We Still a Band?"

In other news, the one dude from Anti-Flag looks like the one vampire from that movie called "The Lost Boys." Don't act like you never saw that movie, you know you saw it. The movie sucked and so does Anti-Flag; match made in heaven.

This just in: the drummer of MxPx looks sorta like Butt-Head from that MTV cartoon Beavis and Butt-Head??? Yeah, he does.

This also just in: MxPx sucked 10 years ago and they still suck today.

Just sayin'