Have you seen this indie movie called TWILIGHT yet? It is really artsy and really edgy. It is the BEST MOVIE EVER (i heard they are going to turn it into a book)! Edward is like soooo romantic and kewl and HAWT. I am totes jealous of Bella cuz she gets to fugg Edward. BITCH! What a slut. I hate Bella.

Bella iz a skank who probably listens to Bayside (EWWW!!!). Bella has no taste in music OR IN CLOTHES!!! She prob buys all her clohtes at Target cuz she thinks that TAR-JAY iz so0o0o KEWL but in all honesty, TAR-JAY iz for po0or people. American Apparel is for KEWL (RICH) people. I shop at AM APPY. I am KEWL (RICH). Edward should date ME and not BELLA!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!1

Edward, if you are reading this blog, please call me. My wang is hard 4 u.

Bayside, if you are reading this blog, please chill out with your music cuz u are hurting my ears. K THNX!

Every one hundred years or so, there comes a band that CHANGES EVERYTHING. Whether this band means to or not, they fuckin redefine the music industry/scene and PLANET EARTH (maybe even Pluto too). What band am I speaking about? The one, the only...

The Format!!!!!1!!

Before The Format, no one in the scene had smelly hair. If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Bayside and their smell haired members making smelly music for other smelly haired kiddes. Thank you to The Format.

Before The Format, no one in the scene had a smelly beard. If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Four Year Strong and their uber kewl beards! I mean, come on, beards R the future of PUNK RAWK. Go outside and take a walk to the "bad" part of town and start hanging out with that homeless dude outside of Burger King, the one with that radical beard; he just might start a PUNK RAWK BAND (BUM MOSH!!!!) and we have The Format to thank for that.

Before The Format, no one in the scene wore cardigan sweaters. If it wasn't for The Format, we would never have Kurt Cobain and his ska band called The Nirvanas (this just in, Nirvana signed to Drive Thru Records, read more about it HERE). Thank you to The Format.

And last but not least, before The Format, no one in the scene wore PHAT ASS PINK SHIRTS. The Format has been wearing kooky wacky pink shirts waaaaay before Cash Cash! If it wasn't for The Format, we would not have Cash Cash and that means that we would NEVER have a PARTY in our BEDROOMS... ever!!! Thank you to The Format, because of you guys, I have parties in my bedroom... all night long.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air called, he asked me if Taking Back Sunday was still a band. I told him that they were. He was all like WTF WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! I was all like I DON'T KNOW MAN.

P.S. Don't even try to tell me that "Tell All Your Friends" was such an "amazing" album because you are a fuckin dork and you don't know jack shit about music. That CD was the worst release of 2002. Fuck you if you own that CD... wait... what is a CD???? Oh, you mean those things before mp3s???? Mp3 files fuckin r00L. Bye.

Have you ever seen that old school show on Nickelodeon called "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" That show was FUCKINNNN lame.

Have you heard the latest release from The Scenic called "Find Yourself Here?" That album is FUCKINNNN lame.

K thnx byeee.

This is a post about food and music.

The Outback Steakhouse is shitty.

A Day To Remember makes shitty music.

The bloomin' onion at Outback Steakhouse tastes shitty.

A Day to Remember makes shitty music. Wait, didn't I already type that? Shit I did. Should I delete it? Where the fuck is the delete button? Is this it? No. That isn't it. Fuck. Wish I had a MAC BOOK. Should I sent a twitter to all my followers and see if someone knows where the delete button is? I hate computers. Hey, wait, I just opened up power point. How do I close this? Fuck.

I would rather listen to my grandma having phone sex with my grandpa than listen to Silverstein. Just sayin'

There is so much more I want to write about Silverstein but I am just so busy right now. I am so frustrated! I am trying to figure out how to setup this linksys wireless router!!! OMG teh internet iz so complicated. Why you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated. Life's like this you... and you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it... no... no... no...

Eminem is apparently now in that punk rawk band called Bayside.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BallBerry

Life is so confusing. I have so many questions. Can you help me answer the questions that are boggling my mind right now?

1. Thursday is still a band? I am guessing yes since they are on the cover of this month's Alternative Press Magazine. Thursday is shit. U mad?

2. People actually still read Alternative Press MagazineZorZ? Aren't magazines so fuckin 1999? That magazine is shit. U mad?

3. Speaking of shit, how come every time I take a shit, I always have to look at the toilet paper right after I wipe my ass to check out what color my poop is? Ammi weird 2 da max or are you guilty of that crime too? Just be honest with me, I promise I won't tell anyone.

I need these questions answered ASAP. Maybe I need one of those magic 8 balls (lol, I said balls)? Maybe I should take one of those "Which Sex and the City Character are you?" quizzes on teh internetz. Maybe that quiz is all I need? Hope the quiz doesn't say I am Miranda, she is so0o0o0o00oooo boring!!!

P.S. Check out this LOL old ass video on VIMEO of Thursday playing live back in da year 2000. I didn't even know punk rawk existed back then. Get ur LOLZ on.

That show "LOST" is garbage.

That band A Day To Remember is garbage.

The end.

P.S. U Mad?

I hate to get all "remember the 90's" on your asses but do you guys remember that band Reel Big Fish? Holy smokes, get this... they are STILLLLL a band. I cannot believe that shit either. Ska is sooooo dead brooooooo but I guess Reel Big Fish didn't get the memo? I wish they did though.

You know that gross taste in your mouth that you get when you drink orange juice right after you brushed your teeth??? That taste is pretty much the same taste I got in my mouth when I heard Reel Big Fish was still touring. I hope this is all just a bad dream.

H8 ska kids so much. H8 skanking. H8 horns. Hate checkers. Hate suspenders. Hate Catch 22. Hate Less Than Jake. Hate Pezz. Hate having "fun" at "shows." Hate "doing it" for "the kids." Hate it all. No thank you.

P.S. Yo, remember when The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were in that movie CLUELESS??? FUCKKKKIN SO LOL!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S THE IMPRESSION THAT I GET!!!!!! TEE HEE HEE HEE!!!1!!!!!

Listening to The Audition makes me feel so awkward. The music is just THAT bad. This music reminds me of the feeling that I get when I am invited to a party in which I know nobody but the person who invited me, and nobody at that party is interested in making new friends. So I just sit there on the sofa like an uber nerd with no one to talk to. That situation makes me feel pretty lousy. I bet everyone at that party was a fan of The Audition. Bleh. They are uber dorks. I am glad no one talked to me.

But here is the kicker, the next day the person who invited me to the party calls me on my cell and is all like "Ummmm yeah so I am missing my season 1 and season 2 of Arrested Development on DVD and a bunch of people said they saw you steal them" and I am all like "WHAT!?!?! I didn't take your fucking DVDs woman!!!" Ugh yooooo.

In all honesty, the only thing I would ever steal from anyone is their Audition CD. I would steal that shit so fast and run it over with my sick ass Dodge Neon. Na mean? If anything I would be doing them a favor. The Audition is hell. Now please excuse me, I gotta go get my sick ass Dodge Neon's oil changed and then I am gonna roll over to Blockbuster and rent The Fast and the Furious on DVD. Vin Diesel broooo!!! Broooo!!!!

Oh man, Xmas is over. So pissed. I got the worst presents in the history of presents!!! Baby Jesus would not approve of the CRAP I got this year. Mom, I hope you are reading this fucking blog because I need you to know that you "just don't get me" and I don't think you ever will!!! GAWD!!!!

Things Mom got me that I hated:

1. City and Colour CD - mom, this band is straight up hippie garbage shit. I want to take this guys acoustic guitar and smash it over dads head because he apparently "suggested" to you to get me this CD. What could possibly be worse than a City and Colour CD?!?!?! Wait... I guess the answer to that is an Alexisonfire cd.

2. Taking Back Sunday shirt - shit mom, it isn't 2003!!! No one listens to TBS anymore, god, all the kids in school are going to make fun of me if you make me wear that shirt!!!

3. Hugo Boss Cologne - mom, I wanted Michael Jordan Cologne you bitch! You knew that!! Now I will never be able to dunk a B-Ball, shit! You suck mom.

4. Ugg Boots - these fuckin boots make me look like Mega Man and I hated that video game almost as much as I hate that TBS shirt.

5. Hess Toy Tuck - what am I fuckin 8 years old mom?!?!?! I got news for you bitch, I am 15 years old, not 8!!!!!!! JESUSSSSS!!!! Take this toy back to Hess and exchange it for a gallon of gas, give me the gas, let me pour it all over my presents. Let me take a match to the crap. Then let me watch it burn. While the presents are burning I will be using my lame Beavis and Butt-Head voice and I will say "Heh heh heh yea fire fire fire heh heh heh fire rules heh heh heh."

P.S. Mom, is it okay if I sleep over Tommy's house for his New Years Eve party. Are their going to be girls at the party? I don't know! Wait, why do you want Tommy's moms phone number?? Never mind, forget about it. I'll just stay home on new years god I hate you FUCKK THISSS.

The Sleeping have entered the studio to record their new full-length set to come out in 2009. In other news, Walt Disney called me up from his cryonic chamber full of liquid nitrogen and he told me to tell that one dude from The Sleeping to take that Mickey shirt the fuck off. Personally, I would never want to piss off Walt Disney... he is a frozen zombie for petes sake!!! Doesn't that scare you!?!?!!?!?!?!? Frozen zombies are the deadliest of all zombies, they have the ability to shoot ice beams out of their eyes and they are always riding on crazy as shit zombie polar bears with rabies!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKK

The one dude from Aiden looks like the one dude from Doogie Howser, M.D. Ya know, he was Doogie's annoying best friend. I am pretty sure the guy from Aiden is just as annoying. On second thought, I am sure that the whole band is just as annoying. On third thought, anyone that listens to Aiden is annoying.

In other news, if you like Aiden, I am 99.9 percent positive that you watch Criss Angel Mindfreak on A&E Network all the time and you are all like "Yo, that shit was so boss! Did you see that? That mother fucker was all in a wood chipper and then he popped out and he totally was still alive! Fuck yea man! I bet Criss Angel is into Aiden. Doing nasty tricks like that, you know he is a total Aiden fan! Yah Aiden! Get down with the sickness! Oooo waa ahhh ahhh ahhhhhhh!"

Female Photographer: OMG! I cannot believe I am taking promo shots of Driver Side Impact. I am so lucky. I am going to have the best photos in the whole class. I sooo am going to get an A+.

Driver Side Impact: Yeah you are, little lady. (licks lips)

Female Photographer: I told my "Intro to Photography" professor all about you guys and he totally wants me to get him a shirt and a CD. My professor is really chill. Sometimes he comes out to parties and stuff with us. He is, like, in his forties but no big deal.

Drive Side Impact: So, uhhhh, you got a dorm room we can check out? We just wanna bro down a bit, nothing crazy. We got some booze and stuff too if you want to party. Oh, and don't worry about your RA, she will totally not write you up.

Female Photographer: Ok, but before we party, I need you guys to do really shitty and cliche hand gestures during this photo shoot. I think it is the only way I can solidify my A+.

Drive Side Impact: Shitty hand gestures and shitty music are our specialties, so you are soooooo in luck, little lady. (licks lips and then proceeded to produce lame hand gestures)

Holy shit! Doug is in a band? You're damn right he is. The Band is called The Scenic. I recommend you get their CD if you are thinking about losing some weight because chances are, after you hear their music, you will be throwing up for the next 3 months straight... but hey, prom isn't really THAT FAR AWAY... so maybe by then you will be able to fit in that tight and slutty prom dress? Patti Mayonnaise will be sooooooooooooooooooooo jealous.

Today is a good day, a very good day. We just heard about the fact that Across Five Aprils is breaking up. In a recent myspace blog, the band claimed "We've all just gotten to a point where we have chosen to move on..." and we here at this site could not be happier to read that statement. Their music was bad. I would rather be one of those American backpackers in that 2005 horror movie HOSTEL than listen to Across Five Aprils.

In other news, the one dude from the band looks like Super Mario. Well, a really dirty version that probably sweats a whole lot and probably chooses to not shower all that much. Na mean?

Attention Walmart shoppers, we are now selling sick ass "punk rawk" tee shirts. Check out our music section and look for the sign that says "Victory Records Fan 2-Pack." You have your choice of the following Fan Packs: Between the Buried and Me (Yawn), Aiden (Still a Band?), Bayside (LOL), Silverstein (Canada, ya I know, I didn’t think people lived their either), and Atreyu (More Bats and More Eyeliner Please). These are great stocking stuffers! Collect all 5!

Walmart better watch out because I am sure there will be at least one thousand law suits against them from angry parents whose children broke their arms and legs inside of the store. How did they break their arms and legs? How do you think! I got two words for you, SICK... MOSH...

Can you blame the kiddies for moshing though? I mean, it isn’t everyday that you can go inside of a store and get shitty as hell Victory Records merchandise plus grab some even shittier Sam's Choice Soda (omg Mountain Lighting and Dr. Thunder, holler at it!).

Mark those calendars, September 30th is a huge day for Bayside fans everywhere (what fans?). They got two new releases coming out on that date, one being "Shudder" and the other "Live At The Bayside Social Club." You gonna buy it? Here, don't even bother. I will tell you what it will sound like so don't have to waste your money (or waste your time downloading it from some illegal site). If is pretty much going to sound like THISSSSS....

Funeral for a Friend has announced that their new CD called "You Can't See The Forest For The Wolves" will be released in America and Canada on Victory Records. Great... Victory Records kills another decent band. Meh, what am I talking about?!?!?! Funeral for a Friend wasn't ever really THAT good. I mean, they did get kinda OK once Kevin Smith joined the band and all but like, in all honesty, I'd rather watch Mall Rats than listen to Funeral For a Friend. Jus' sayin'

Thursday is currently in da studioz recording a brand new album. I know... who cares... but here is the kEwL (lame) part: Thursday has gone web 2.0 on my ass and they got themselves a Twitter account! If for some strange reason you actually give two shits, you can keep up to date with the recording process via their Twitter.com account dudeee. They have some incredibly exciting posts on there, don't believe me? Here are two examples, "Gonna give it a go for a second time! My voice better be working today" and "Geoff is tearing it up in the vocal booth" etc etc etc yawn etc etc etc etc fart etc etc etc. How could we NOT want to follow their twitter? Action, exhilaration, and so much more! FOR REALSIES! (not)