Remember when FuckThatBand.com was full of LOLZ? Well, those days are over and long gone. It is time to get "serious" and shit. We are going to focus less on "music" and more on "dreams" because a fortune cookie once told me that "A man's dreams are an index to his greatness." I am not really sure what the fuck that means but I do know that fortune cookies don't lie. Right?

I had a dream last night. Claudio Sanchez (the singer of Coheed and Cambria) was playing live in my room. That in-itself was enough to make this a nightmare because I cannot stand Coheed and Cambria, but it is what happens next in my dream that made me shit my pants (and then eat my own shit, don't hate me because I like the way it tastes)... Claudio accidentally spilled some water on him and he turned into one of those GREMLINS from that 80s movie called GREMLINS.

Is there any truth to this dream? Is Claudio Sanchez a gremlin? He sure does look like a gremlin-mogwai-whatever thing. What happens if you pour water on Claudio?!?!?! Fuck. I am so scared. I am so scared that I want to scream. Scream loud, scream Sayonara, oh, oh, oh! Sweet Josephine, will you follow me home?

In other news, did you hear the one about Claudio Sanchez lookin' like some asshole in X-Men? No? CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT IT. Cool? Cool!

In closing, what was your scariest dream ever? Let us know and we will do our best to dissect it for you via our twitter account @fuckthatband.

Did you ever dream of a clown eating you? Did you ever dream about zombies jerking off all over you while you slept and then some of da jizz got into ur mouf and then you turned into a zombie? How about being buried alive? If I was ever put into a coffin and placed 6ft in a grave and running out of air... I would totes just start masturbating... Look, you know you're not going to break out of the coffin so you might as well just get in a little auto-asphyxia up in that bitch. Ya feel me????

Wow, this Claudio Sanchez dude is one busy little bee. How does he possibly have the time to play in his band called Coheed and Cambria and fight bad guys with his superhero crime fighting group called the X-Men? That is some stamina he has. Lots of energy indeed!

My guess is that he probably drinks a ton of those 5-Hour Energy shot things. Have you ever tasted those shits before? Fuckin yuck. I mean, it is only two ounces of liquid (poison?) and it goes down fast but jesus... I would rather drink 10 gallons of piss from every member of Coheed and Cambria than drink a single ounce of that 5-Hour stuff.

Speaking of drinking piss, I am thirsty. Just sayin.

In other news, that song "good eye sniper" by Coheed is so annoying. Almost annoying as my genital herpes. Soo0o0oo itchy. Ugh.

REAL TALK!

Attention parents of teenagers. This post is for you. Your child is constantly TXTing and Emailing and shit. They are always using these abbreviations that are called INTERNET SPEAK. What does it all mean? No worries, we here at FuckThatBand.com are here to uncover all the secrets. We cracked the code so you don't have to! Here are the most common ones you can expect your son/daughter using:

*IDK - I don't know
*LOL - Laughing out loud
*IWTFMM - I want to fuck my mom
*IWTFMD - I want to fuck my dentist
*TTNYS - This Time Next Year Sucks
*WTF - What the fuck
*IKR - I know right
*YRLLTTNY - You are lame like This Time Next Year
*LMAO - Laughing my ass off
*ROFL - Rolling on [the] floor laughing
*OSGGFMB - One second, gotta go finger my butt
*ROFLMAO - Rolling on [the] floor laughing my ass off
*WGSTTNYPTJKTS - Wanna go see This Time Next Year play tonight, just kidding they suck
*ILY - I love you
*STFU - Shut the fuck up
*OMG - Obama my god

So there you have it, parents. Now you will never feel like your kids are pulling a "fast one" on you EVER AGAIN. Fuckin' teenagers. Who do they think they are!? Little wieners with their little wiener laptops/iPhones. Fuck them! 55 is the new 21 am I right?

The band is called We Came As Romans.

(Heh heh heh, did you say CAME??? Heh heh heh you said CAME!)

We Came As Romans Hotties is one of the most attractive bands out there. The band consists of 6 girls and 5 of them are SMOKING HOT. The one that is kinda weird looking is the one who decided to shave her head. Don't sure why she did that.

Why is she screaming into her band members ear like that? Oh. I know. It is probably "HER TIME OF THE MONTH." Man, it most be hard to be in a band when you gotz your period. But it's cool cuz BLOOD IZ PUNK RAWK!!!

Check out this band for some UBER PUNK RAWK JAMZ! FTW!

BRB gotta go email sonsofnero.com and ask them to "spruce" up my MySpace page. LOLOLOL

THIS JUST IN!!! LATE BREAKING NEWS!!! Just got an email a few hours ago. The person above is speaking about our latest Saves The Day post from a few days ago called "Through Being Funyuns."

Apparently this FuckThatBand.com super fan feels that we made a mistake in our top notch journalistic reporting? Hmmmm. Apparently he thinks that the Saves The Day CD called "Through Being Cool" was released on Equal Vision Records and not Drive Thru Records?!?!?! ZOMG?!?!!?

INSERT CRICKET SOUNDS HERE

I fuckin hate Funyuns so much. That snack tastes like pure shit and it makes your breath smell like ass for over 48 hours! It doesn't matter how many times you brush your teeth, it doesn't matter how many mentos/ roofies/ starbursts you put in your mouth, YOUR BREATH STILL WILL SMELL LIKE SHIT.

"Dude, chill out! Funyuns are the TITS d00d!

The tits? Nah man, Funyuns are not the tits. Funyuns are about as "radical" as that Saves The Day CD called "Through Being Cool."

"Dude, chill out! Holly Hox, Forget Me Nots is the best song ever!"

No dude, "Through Being Cool" is the WORST cd Drive Thru Records has EVER PUT OUT (love you Richie and Stephie)!!! Here is a list of things that I would rather do than listen to Saves The Day's "Through Being Cool."

- Drink AXE body wash
- Watch Grey's Anatomy
- Spray AXE Body Deodorant Spay in my eyes
- Watch WALL-E
- Take a shower with my grandma
- Sprinkle my grandpa's ashes on french fries and feed them to my pot smoking friends who have "da munchies"
- Read the Bible
- Listen to Two Tongues
- Learn to tap dance (insert Tilly and the Wall LOLZ here)
- And last but not least, I would rather eat Funyuns!!!

P.S. In other news, I am thinking about going to University of Phoenix next semester... yay or nay???

Fuck! Fuck! I am so pissed right now! I have to get this off my chest.

I was totally shopping today on Equalvision.com looking for a new Fall of Troy belt, Chiodos hoodie or a Sky Eats Airplane CD. (Just kidding! Who buys CDs anymore! I steal dat shit from the internet! UP THE PUNX!)

Anyway I saw that this band called CIV named their new record "Set Your Goals." They totally stole the album name from my favorite punk hardcore straightedge grindcore ska band called Set Your Goals. Damm, Set Your Goals has been a band WAYYYYY before CIV so I just think it is sooooooo rude that CIV would steal their name like that. No respect. What the hell! I'm so pissed. I can't wait until I'm 16 so I can drive to a CIV show just to kick their A$$!

P.S. Thank God no one has taken any names from The Misfits.

I was watching Comedy Central yesterday hoping there would be a rerun of Mad TV or Dane Cook stand up, but they fuckin' put on that movie called Accepted, starring the dude from Armor For Sleep. Man, the only thing that sucked worse than that movie was that one Armor For Sleep album "What To Do When You Are Dead"

If I were dead I would eat the brains of who ever came up with the script for Accepted. I would also eat the brains of all the "kids" in the "scene" who like the music Armor For Sleep makes... wait, how can I eat their brains, THEY CLEARLY DON'T HAVE ANY!!! ooo burnZORZ! DoN't GeT tOo CLOsE 2 Da fIrE - U miGHt git BURNTzorz.

This is going to be a short blog post. Don't be mad. K?

Portugal. The Man - a million fuckin' releases, each one more terrible than the last. This shit is straight up vomit.

Ok gotta run.

Sorry this post is so short, I just found out that my mom and step dad are going to be "out of town" today and tomorrow. They left me a note and it said they were going to a "swingers party." Strange, I didn't know my mom liked to swing dance but whatever I am totally going to invade their secret liquor cabinet.

I am going to throw a party at my house. Shoot me a TXT message if you want to come to my party. Don't have a ride? No problem, I can just steal my neighbors car and pick you up. I may only be 13 years old but I know I can drive better than Portugal. The Man can play their instruments.

Hey guys. I am thinking about getting my GED and applying to University of Phoenix for next semester. I heard they have a sick as hell music program. I hope I get accepted in their Punk Rock Program. I wanna get my Associates Degree in Punk Rock and then maybe apply for my PhD in Punk Rock. I want to learn all about the history of Saves The Day and Say Anything and shitttttttttt like that. I really love those bands, I mean, I hate them, I mean, I love them, I mean, I hate them, I mean...

ANYWAYS!@!!!!!

Once I am accepted to University of Phoenix, I am not sure how I am going to be able to pay for the tuition... I am kinda nervous. Does being nervous make me EMO? Should I listen to Two Tongues?

I hope Sallie Mae can give me all my FAFSA moneyz and Stafford Loanz0rz. Should I log onto teh eBayz dot com and sell all of my old Saves The Day merch? I am not too sure if that shit would sell though, plus and I got too much negative feedback. H8 neg-eee feedback. H8 myself. H8 my fender guitar. H8 my mom. H8 my dad. H8 my sister (but she is kinda hot though). H8 the fact that I kinda "like" my sister. H8 myself. H8 H8 H8 H8 H8 H8. Fugg skewl. Fugg life. IM OUTTEE PE@CE OUT CUB SCOUT.

Who the fuck is No Doubt and why do I care they are doing a reunion tour??? Is this supposed to be a big deal??? OOOOO wait, I never knew that the singer of No Doubt was a girl??? That's kinda cool. There aren't a lot of girl singers out there these dayzzzz.

Oh sweet, I just heard that No Doubt is doing a tour with Paramore (also a gurl singer) and The Sounds (yet another gurl singer). A whole tour with all girl singers?!/1??! COWABUNGA DUDE!!! Maybe I can SCORE some sic puss puss???!!! I gotta make sure to rock the AXE BODY SPRAY hard as hell wink wink nudge nuge (hayyyy layyyy deeeez).

But seriously though, wtf, how come Chiodos isn't on the No Doubt reunion tour? The singer of Chiodos, she must be so0o0o0o pissed off. Chiodos is bigger than all those bands COMBINED!!!! I am so pissed right now.

Wouldn't it be cool if FuckThatBand.com got a chance to put together our VERY OWN WORLD TOUR??? I would TOTALLY sell all three of my kidneys to make that happen. We would name it the GIRL POWER WORLD TOUR EXTRAVAGANZA and it would have the following girl fronted bands on the bill: Paramore, Versa Emerge, Chiodos, Katy Perry, Rilo Kiley, and Ace of Base.

Hey, what can I say, I iz a sucker for them girl vocals.

Every time you listen to The Color Fred, this chipmunk breaks into a hospital and bites newborn babies on the maternity floor. So crazy, right?

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. R U ready? Hope so. Do you have regrets? Sure you do, I do. I regret renewing my 2 year plan with Verizon, that means I can't get an iPhone because only AT&T does the whole iPhone thing. Shit man. What am I going to do? I heard all the cool kids have iPhones. Remember when all the cool kids had those Motorola RAZR phones? Those are lame now, almost as lame as This Time Next Year. You hear those dudes yet? Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

Enough talking about shitty phones and shitty bands; more talk about 2008. It was a good year, finally lost my virginity. College is cool like that, girls just don't care. I wuz at a FRAT party getting my FRAT on and I totally scored with this one chick. She was totally ugly (fug-lee for realz), that was kinda a turn off but ya know, whatever, COLLEGE ROCKS. She was wearing a This Time Next Year shirt, that was kinda a turn off but ya know, whatever, COLLEGE ROCKS. She threw up in my mouth while we were French kissing, that was kinda a turn off but ya know, whatever, COLLEGE ROCKS. I got my bone on. It was epic. I think she loves me. I smell wedding bells? Na fuck that, I am too young for dat shit, I still got more moshing to do before settling down, yo.

Hmmmm, I wonder if I order myself my very own This Time Next Year shirt, will that help me make out with EVEN MORE dirty as hell girls who will throw up in my mouth while we are kissing? I need to hook up with more girls who have smelly crotches. Should I try to join my college's student activities club so I can try to book This Time Next Year on my campus in the multi-purpose room?!?!?! I think that event will really draw lots of girls who have smelly crotches.

In other news, I am still depressed about not having an iPhone. Fugg you Verizon for doing this to me. Maybe when the This Time Next Year's record goes gold platinum neon whatever, they will buy me an iPhone??????

If you find yourself at a New Years Eve party this year and you seriously HATE everyone there, here is a sure fire way to ruin the lives of every soul at the shin dig: all you have to do is put some Sky Eats Airplane on the stereo. Once all the peeps at the par-tay hear that bands music, they will all be like "My stomach has that sick/vomity feeling to it from all da drinking I have been doing but that feeling is heaven compared to what my ears feel like as I am listening to Sky Eats Airplanez (my earz feel like they are being ripped to shreds by a Rottweiler with rabies)."

I mean come on, this band is from Texas. Eww. Garbage comes out of Texas: Forever the Sickest Kids (omg call me!), Dallas Cowboys (superbowl champs 2k9? LoL jk), Stone Cold Steve Austin (gimmie da stunner plz), Lance Armstrong (love those live strong bracelets though, lol), Patrick Swayze (so0o hawt), and Play Radio Play (zzzz).

But huge congratulations to Sky Eats Airplane for releasing their second full length album on Shitty Vision Records, lots of total hotties are saying it is THE WOOT. The CD is called "Sky Eats Airplane"... how original. But I guess self-titled albums are all the rage these days. If From First to Last can do it, so can Sky Eats Airplane I guess. Oh shit, look at the time, One Tree Hill is on, gotta run. Bye bye.

What is this? Is this even legal? It looks like the little boy Craig Owens from Chiodos has brought his little boy voice to form a new suck called Cinematic Sunrise. I mean come on, we had enough of you from the beginning of All Nereids Beware!

But you know I was peepin around their website Cinsun.com and it hit me, WTF, bands still have websites??!?!?! Holy shiz. Does Cinematic Sunrise deserve SCENE POINTS for kickin it OLD SKEWL??? No other bands actually have real sites anymore, everyone just uses MySpaceIZZLE dot com. Is Craig Owens starting a revolution? Does Craig Owens still use AOL 3.0 and does he still rock dial up? Will Craig Owens hate me if he finds out that I use DSL? Wait, did Craig Owens invent the internet? This is some heavy stuff. Shit just got REAL AS FUCK. Should I use Yahoo or Google? What does Craig Owens use? Does Craig Owens have a Twitter? If so, will he follow me? The internet is going to be big as hell in 2K9, I am calling it right now. Thank you Craig Owens for inventing the internet and allowing cinsun.com and iamcraigowens.com to exist in cyber spacez0rz. Giggle (or should I say... Google?).

Here is some news about Say Anything and Saves the Day. Are you ready? Zzzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, did I just fall asleep? How embarrassing! Ok now back to the news about Say Anything and Saves the Day (two of the most boring bands in the universe); Max Bemis of Say Anything and Chris Conley of Saves the Day started a new band. The shit fest is called Two Tongues and the music is no better than the terrible band name. They just announced that on February 3, 2009, they will release their self-titled debut.

Right now 14 year old girls are going bat shit and searching endlessly on the internet to try to find Two Tongues merch. Come on, there has to be a fuckin Two Tongues tote bag on sale SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!

In closing, why does one shitty musician feel the need to unite with another shitty musician? Do they think two wrongs will make a right? Fucking ridiculous. Obama better fuckin stop this band ASAP or the United States will be doomed.

Did you hear the news? Equal Vision Records signed Closure In Moscow. Have you seen this one shirt the band had for sale on their online store???? Why the fuck would they design a shirt that looks like the Star Wars logo? Fuckin nerd alert broooo, but for real though, if Chewbacca (Chewie) saw you wearing that shirt, he would straight up call you a D-Bag and blow your ass up just like the Death Star blew up planet Alderaan. Na mean?

This Time Next Year sucks at two things: 1. Playing music and 2. Picking out artwork to decorate their apartment. Seriously, that painting looks like shit. If this bands music could somehow be turned into a painting, I am positive it would look just like the garbage hanging on the wall in their promo pic. That painting wouldn't go for 50 cents at a garage sale (same goes for their latest release). Just sayin'

Attention all polar bears, penguins, and igloos... you thought you were safe from the disgusting sounds of Chiodos? You thought that the bitter cold weather would always be able to shield you from the terrible rock and roll of Chiodos? You were wrong, dead wrong. Chiodos don't give a fuck, they will be playing 3 Alaska shows: 9/12/2008 at the Hot Topic Anchorage 5th Avenue Mall in Anchorage (4pm), 9/12/2008 at Club Millennium also in Anchorage (8pm), and then 9/12/2008 at the Chena Convention Center in Fairbanks (8pm). Evacuation plans have already been implemented by state officials. Leave Alaska while you still have your hearing intact.

Ben Jorgensen, singer of Armor For Sleep, is mad at the internetz and AbsolutePunk.netz. He posted a long as balls blog on his MySpace page moaning and groaning about mansions and houses? Here is a snippet of what he said:

"fuck off. i started this band because i wrote songs for people who wanted to hear them. i was awake in my bed last night and i thought of this analogy... ap.net is kind of like a huge house with a lot of rooms in it. it started off as a mansion that had different bands performing in different rooms and had opened its doors for kids to come in and listen to these bands and talk amongst themselves about what was going on. i guess after a certain point the kids themselves began to own the whole fucking mansion and they became the ones in charge of who could come in and who played in what room. frankly, as one of the bands trying to play my music in one of the many rooms of the house, i never cared about what anyone was saying in the living room. i only cared about who wanted to be in the room with us..."

Ben should just, like, stop playing inside that house if he is so mad? Play outside in the backyard man. It could be awesome; we can all totally BBQ and shit. Fuck it, I'll go on CraigsList.com and buy one of those huge ass trampolines too. It ain't a backyard unless you got a huge ass trampoline in it. Ben, you need to just jump on a trampoline with me. Let's do it. Don't cry - just jump! Is that cool?