I always wanted to start a band and take promo shots that make it look like me and "my boys" were standing on the set of Jurassic Park. Shit! I guess August Burns Red totally beat me to it! Dang yo! H8 you guyz for that!!!

But can we get "real" for a second? Sometimes I have these wet dreams where I am "making sex" to a tyrannosaurus rex or a velociraptor. It is really creepy because I think that most girls my age have "sexy dreams" about making out with boys. Why am I different? Why??? Why can't I just be into boys and not dinosaurs??? What a weird fetish!!! I blame my mom for drinking b00ze while pregnant with me. IT IS ALL HER FAULT!!!

UPDATE: Hay guys! I just got home from a make-out party. It was a pool party too. Do you like pools? Swimming is fun. Did you ever play chicken? I did today. It was fun. I also snorted coke. ANYWAYYYYYYYS, I met this guy wearing an August Burns Red shirt on at the party. I think he might be the one. We were making out, August Burns Red was playing on the stereo, we started kissing/feeling, etc. At first, it was really boring for me because he was obviously HUMAN (and humans don't get me wet). So I took a chance and asked him to act like he was a dinosaur and guess what... HE SAID OKAY!!! He started growling and scratching at me. He cut my face open with his teeth while we kissed. I was bleeding. It was AWESOME!!!!! And then he started to piss all over me. I was kinda unsure about that one move but he assured me that dinosaurs always pissed on their pray.

Here is some HARRY POTTER news for all you BOOK PUNX out there. This just in: Ron Weasley has shed his cookie-cutter Harry Potter image and joined the English punk rawk band called Gallows.

You will recognize Ron by his surgically enhanced middle finger, which he had lengthened and strengthened to permanently face outward.

Ron's new fuck-you-'tude is backed by 4 fellow band members, including the president of Set Your Goals' fan club.

Their first single by Gallows was panned by critics, resulting in a harsh caning of those critics by Ron's older brother Percy, pictured second from left.

Percy is following in younger brother Ron's body-modification-footsteps, and has had all of his teeth removed so his mouth now looks like a giant black hole.

For up-to-the-minute-news about the Gallows. Check out their shitty twitter page. Actually, I have no fuckin' idea if they do have a twitter page but I mean, come on, every asshole has a twitter page (even RANCID has a fuckin Twitter lololol), so I am sure if you google hard enough, you will find a twitter for Gallows.

Oh hai! What is going on? Oh, just the usual, Alex from All Time Low is just chillin' with Hayley from Paramore. Such a cute couple. Are they dating? I don't know. If anyone knows, please email me.

Ok, I gotta go now, I need to get ready for my garage sale I am having. I am going to sell all my old Hurley shirts to TRENDY n00bz so I can get $$$ to buy some To Write Love On Her Arms shirts. Fuck ya. So, if you are a trendy shit head (and I know you are), come on over to my garage sale tomorrow morning.

P.S. I am also gonna be selling all of my old Busted Tees shirts cuz I just realized that funny/ cool/ retro/ vintage/ tees are just "not scene" anymore. I hope Jake/ Amir/ da college humor crew don't hate me.

I made a sex tape with an old girlfriend/ boyfriend/ pet/ blow up doll/ once. It was really good. I was all like "oh" and we were getting into nasty positions. I'm talkin' missionary, doggy-style, that other one, piledriver, powerbomb, the Ron Jeremy, the Stone Cold Stunner, the Glamour Killz, etc etc.

Once I broke up with my girlfriend, I shopped the tape around to some PURR-NOO companies. I got several offers, like some in the 5 figures. I went back to watch the tape one last time before I sold it. I realized that my g/f was playing some music on her ipod during our sex session. She had a playlist on and one of the songs (while I was orgasming, actually) was by Vega Under Fire!!! I instantly went into a rage. I smashed the tape up and burned it.

A few days after the tape was destroyed, I went soul-searching for 43 months in the desert. The only thing I brought was a mirror, and for 42 months, I couldn't look in it. How could I orgasm to Vega Under Fire?!?!?! How could I?!?!?! What kind of person does that make me?!>!>!?! Will I ever be a good person again??!>!? I never found the answer to that question... and I probably never will...

Thank you to Vega Under Fire for ruining my life.

Dear The Gaslight Anthem,

Arthur Fonzarelli (AKA Fonzie or The Fonz) called me on my celly and he told me to tell your singer to (and I quote) "AAAAAAY TAKE THAT FUCKIN LEATHER JACKET OFF AAAAAAY YOU GUYZ SOUND LIKE SHIT AAAAAY SIT ON IT!!!"

Hey man, don't piss The Fonz off, am I right???

Love,
FuckThatBand.com

Hey guyz and dollz! Thanks for checking out my awesome blog and shit. Ok, here is a "props" post. I gotta sometimes give "props" and "big ups" to my boyz in Set Your Goals. Generic jumping picture... Great... Just... Great... I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. Kewl points!

I am kinda bummed though that only 2 of them are wearing shorts :-( The others are wearing pants. Pants are not sexy, yo. Total bummer but I guess pants DOOOOO leave more to the imagination :-) Wink wink insert clit boner here.

I wonder if the members wearing pants have hairy legs or smooth legs?? But for realsies though, smooth legs are SO IN RIGHT NOW. You have no idea how bad I want to Bic all of their legs using my bare teeth and make them silky smooth. I would floss with their leg hair. I would floss with their upper leg hair and hope that it was their pubes. I would "jam out" to their amazingly AMAZING "Mutinty!" album while gettin' my floss on.

P.S. I'm so horny. Hit me up on StickAM if u wanna see me do naughty/gross shitttttt.

The band is called Hello Hollywood. This band, ugh, these are the types of d00dz who totally did NOT have dates for the prom. They went "stag" cuz they were 2 KEWL 4 GIRLZ. "Yo let's rent a limo so we can be PIMP AS FUCK." A limo with no lay-deez? AWESOME!!!

Ok, enough shit talking, let me give them a listen. BRB in 10 mins.

Ok, I went to their MySpace page, as if their music didn't make me LOL enough, I see that they have a Twitter for every member of their band. WHO. THE. FUCK. CARES what the bassist of Hello Hollywood is doing/ thinking/ jerking off to. I don't care what the singer ate for breakfast and I sure as hell don't care about the drummer's new pair of NIKE dunks/ Macbeth shoezzz.

Is this really what computers were invented for? Fuckin micro blogging??? How haven't we found the cure for AIDs/crabs yet? How have we not found out how/why the Bermuda Triangle is so fuckin crazy??? How have we not caught Big Foot yet??? I will tell you why we we haven't found out all that valuable information yet, it is because we are too busy inventing lame SHIT FOR THE INTERNET.

We've found a way for everyone in the world to say what they're thinking in 140 characters or less and anyone can see it in real time??? That is nothing to be proud of. The shit is lame. Lame just like the music Hello Hollywood makes. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I hate the internet and I hate Hello Hollywood.

P.S. Hello Hollywood is from Arizona. That state is soooo fucking hot. Who in their right mind would want to live in Arizona and burn to death every fuckin day!!! Why would you want to raise your famsies there??? "But It's A Dry Heat." Dry heat???!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO LISTEN TO HELLO HOLLYWOOD YOU FUCKIN TOOL!!!!!